DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Would you like a little mercury with that fish oil? Environmental Defense surveyed 54 vendors of fish-oil and Omega-3 supplements to determine whether the products had been purified according to the strictest available standards.

There’s no smoking gun or scandal here — the red flags indicate that the vendor didn’t respond. In most cases it’s likely a sign of clerical inefficiency rather than contaminated fish oil.

The Oktava MK-012 is a well-known and well-respected condenser microphone. At a price point of about $100, (Update: With popularity comes demand, and with demand comes higher pricing. As of March, 2008, single Oktava MK-012s retail for $275.) it’s reported to deliver performance comparable to mics costing significantly more.

I’m currently upgrading my microphone collection in preparation for some recording projects later this summer. I found lots of MK-012s on Ebay, where “matched pairs” (suitable for drum overhead miking) sell for $250-$500, used.

Buying from Ebay is no picnic, especially when the prices on used items approach the prices of brand-new stock. I called Guitar Center in San Francisco for current pricing information and learned that GC just received a new shipment of Oktava mics, including “factory matched pairs” for $250. This seemed like a great deal.

Upon examination, though, the mics sold by Guitar Center are deficient in two significant respects:

• The mics come with no paperwork or documentation of any kind: no manual, no warranty, no frequency-response graph, no indication of the performance of the so-called “matched pair.”
• The screw-on 10-decibel “pad,” an attachment that helps prevent clipping, is not included.

I researched the matter and found claims of fraud: I came away believing that Guitar Center is (unknowingly) selling counterfeit microphones. Specifically, the “Oktava MC-012” currently sold by Guitar Center appears to be a knock-off produced in China.

The evidence is compelling. I’ll start with the best: a page on the Russian company’s website claiming that the “MC-012” is a knock-off produced in China.

I first heard this story from Ken Heaton, who claims he is the only factory-authorized Oktava reseller in the US. (See his certification letter.) The homepage of his website claims,

Don’t be fooled by the Chinese Manufactured Nock-Offs being passed off as “real” Oktava Microphones by a large national music store chain!!!

Ken told me that Guitar Center used to buy its stock of Oktava mics from Fergus McKay, whose reseller license was revoked by Oktava last Fall. The revocation was announced at oktava-online.com. (I’m assuming McKay is “Oktava Ltd.”)

Because of numerous violations of contract terms by the “Oktava Ltd” company (Great Britain), and unlawful usage of our trade-mark of microphones manufacturer, JSC “Oktava” declares that by official notice dated October 13, 2004, “Oktava Ltd” company is deprived of rights of exclusive distributor all over the world.

Ken told me that McKay owns the rights to the transliterated name “Oktava” — note that the actual Russian company name looks more like “Okraßa” — and appears to have had these look-alike mics manufactured in China. Guitar Center very likely does not know that they didn’t buy genuine Russian Oktava mics, or they wouldn’t be selling them as such.

The New York Times ran a story on Oktava in 2000; see Stalinesque Lines, But a Silky Sound; Man, That’s One Ugly Microphone (Sabrina Tavernise, September 9, 2000). It recounts how Fergus McKay helped bring Oktava mics to the world. It’s an interesting history, and it tends to corroborate Ken Heaton’s story… not that that you should really need any more evidence than the series of photographs of counterfeit Oktava microphones.

I learned all of this too late — a day after purchasing a pair of the mics-of-questionable-heritage from Guitar Center. Due to the missing 10dB pads, I’d inquired from the surly GC staffperson whether I’d be able to return these. Guitar Center has a 30-day return policy, but not for microphones, said the clerk, “because you could spit into them.” In a couple days I will provide an exception to this rule.

Update 2005-05-05: I spoke with someone in the purchasing department at Guitar Center. I told him the entire story. He listened patiently, checked out the “fake microphones” photos on the Oktava website, and assured me that Guitar Center would not knowingly sell fake or counterfeit gear. I imagine we’ll see a public response soon. The interesting thing is that he was under the impression that Guitar Center is a, if not the only, authorized Oktava reseller in the US, which we already know is not true as far as the manufacturer is concerned.

It appears there may be some legal confusion as to who actually owns the marketing or reselling rights for Oktava products. This issue may be settled in court. From my perspective as a consumer, though, I’m interested only in who designed and built the gear. I’m not interested in who might have a legal claim over a name or logo design. And it seems to me, from my research, that the only sure way to get the Russian-sourced microphone that audio engineers have been raving about for 10 years is to get them from Oktava USA. Disclaimer: Long after publishing this statement, I became an Oktava USA customer; I purchased a hand-matched pair of MK-012 cardioid mics from Oktava USA and have been very happy with them; see my overhead mic shootout.)

Update 2005-05-06: I received an email from one of the McKay brothers. He said I had some facts wrong and offered to set me straight. I responded immediately with a list of questions, but have not yet received a response.

Note: this article has been revised several times, to clarify points and add updates. I also removed most of the traditionally sarcastic commentary, once it became apparent that corporate attorneys — the sorts of folks paid not to have a sense of humor — were reading the article. Apologies to those of you who only come here for the sarcastic commentary. To the corporate attorneys: welcome! Please take off your ties. Thank you.

Update 2005-05-12: see pt. II, response from Andy McKay / Oktava LTD, and multiple updates thereafter (4 parts in all)

I was feeling sort of price-sensitive about these B12 supplements, which cost $20/bottle.

But then I saw the “% Daily Value” breakout on the label: a single pill contains 84,400% of the suggested daily value of vitamin B12. I only need 100% for any single day, so 84,400% should last me for 844 days, or about 27 months. There are 60 pills in the bottle… so this bottle should last me 138.7 years.

W00t! That’s only four ten-thousands of a cent per day!

FedEx, in partnership with Environmental Defense, is beginning to convert its fleet of delivery trucks to new hybrid models that get 50% better fuel economy:

Two new trucks in D.C. bring our total number of hybrid electric vehicles delivering packages — and cleaner air — around the U.S. to 18. The first two hit the streets of Sacramento in March 2004, followed by ten more in New York City and four more in Tampa in October.

Details of the hybrid solution can be found in the manufacturer’s press release:

Eaton’s hybrid-electric powertrain effectively combines a diesel engine and electric motor to drive the vehicle. A computer determines the most efficient combination… A four-cylinder engine replaces the six-cylinder version currently used in the FedEx Express W700 delivery vehicle. The engine size is reduced because of the added power provided by the electric motor. A particulate trap has been added to the truck to further reduce emissions.

Batteries capture and store energy during the “regenerative braking” phase of the vehicle’s operation…

Eaton’s hybrid electric powertrain has been placed in the standard white FedEx Express W700 delivery truck… The hybrid electric delivery vehicle will be differentiated from the standard FedEx Express delivery vehicle only by an OptiFleet brand decal on the sides and rear of the vehicle. The hybrid electric E700 has a gross vehicle weight of approximately 16,000 lbs. and a cargo capacity of approximately 670 cubic feet.

May 1 is the beginning of PG&E’s summer rate season for “Schedule E-7” customers, which includes most PV owners. Which means it’s time to haul your butt onto the roof to wash off the panels again.

Pictured is my new panel-washing device, which turns out to be so useful it practically qualifies as a life hack. It’s a car-washing wand, about five feet long. The garden hose screws into the handle and water sprays out of the brush. It’s totally not worth the $25 the local hardware store charged me for it, but given the 8% electricity generation I’ve just regained by washing the panels, I figure this brush will pay for itself in, oh, about six years.