DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

At 10 mph my commute should take me 8 hours, at which point I could just turn around and drive back home. But I’m not going even that fast: at my current velocity, my commute time approaches infinity. And even though I left home just an hour ago, the time it would take me to get back is infinite too.

I guess I could do like all the professional commuters around me and use my time sitting on the highway to check my voice mail. This would enable me to hear messages from people who couldn’t reach me on the phone because I was stuck in traffic.

Or I could use a dashboard-mounted notepad to jot down time-saving ideas, which could allow me to recover, over a week’s time, five or 10 of the 360 minutes I would be spending in the car today.

My rental car checklist got one item longer today. Used to be, so long as the car had a tank of gas, I thought I would be OK. Then I realized I actually had to request upholstered seats and interiors that didn’t reek of wet dogs or body odor.

This week’s car had a film on the inside of the windshield. I don’t mean “optical film,” like a UV filter or sun shade. I mean film in the more organic, pudding sense of the word. Driving into the sunrise caused the windshield to light up like the cap of the Luxor — yes, at that moment, my car’s windshield could have been seen from space.

Enterprise does a good job, generally speaking, of cleaning out the interiors of their fleet of cars. This meant I had no spare scrap of paper or tissue with which to wipe down the inside of the windshield. I ended up pulling over and using my sock.