DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

The Chron reports on an explosion in the wild turkey population in Marin and Sonoma counties. I can attest to that; the driveway between my front door and the compost heap is a minefield of fecalbombs.

After reading my previous post about shooting at turkeys with a cheap slingshot, a friend bought me a nice hunting slingshot for Christmas. In a nod to my preference for biodegradable ammunition, he gave me a 10lb sack of frozen Brussels sprouts. These have proved to be much more aerodynamic than my previous ammo (roasted almonds); they fly true, except when they unwrap.

I’ve managed to hit one turkey. The resultant squawkfest was enough to scare all the birds away, for a short time anyway. (Note: turkeys are, practically speaking, armored. Unless I manage to hit one square in the head, I won’t actually hurt them. Unfortunately.)

In related news, my co-workers frequent a deli near the office that I dislike because it assumes all its patrons are dying for a heap food-flesh — the sandwich menu contains two dozen preparations of meat, yet only one veggie item. On a recent visit I asked if the vegetable soup was vegetarian. “No, it’s made with turkey stock,” said the counter clerk in a defiant tone, “and of you don’t like it, get your tofo-eating vegan ass the hell out of my restaurant!”

A few weeks later, one of my co-workers noted (having heard my soup lament) that the cafe now offers vegetarian vegetable soup. In response I said something that still makes me laugh, even though at the time I got no love:

“I’ll bet they made it with Tofurkey stock.”