DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Big news in orgasm research (now that’s an interesting specialty) — Dr. T. Stuart Meloy reports that by implanting electrodes in a female’s spine, he can induce orgasm via remote control.

The description is ghastly: The device is made up of three parts: the set of electrodes which are implanted inside the spinal canal, a connecting cable and a pulse generator, which is about the size of a beeper. The generator is implanted in the upper buttocks, so all three pieces are under the skin. (ABC News)

But none of these worthy reporters explored the technological implications of such an invention. Leno and Letterman probably exhausted the garage-door-opener jokes… but what about the X-10 jokes? What about the bluetooth jokes? There’s such a rich field of possibilities here. Will the pulse generator have an HTTP server built-in, so patients enjoying frequent wireless orgasm can report their status to the web like so many coffee machines and refrigerators?

Also: if the hardware is mounted in your buttocks, where do they put the batteries? Heh, sorry, I couldn’t resist.

There is a dangerous precedent to this research, by the way. When I studied psychology I learned about an experiment in which researchers inserted electrodes in the pleasure centers of rats’ brains, and then provided the rats with a lever connected to the electrodes. Pressing the lever would induce (essentially) orgasm. The rats starved to death. [1, 2, 3]