DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

DSW Shoe Warehouse lost control of 1.4 million customer records — credit card numbers, driver’s license numbers, checking account numbers. A company spokesman said, “we greatly regret any inconvenience this may cause.”

LexisNexis reported that identity thieves stole or modified data on over 310,000 US citizens — names, addresses, driver’s license numbers, and Social Security numbers. A company spokeseman said, “we sincerely regret these incidents.”

ChoicePoint, whose sole mission is to collect data about you and your purchases, admitted having sold the personal data of at least 145,000 U.S. citizens to a group of fraudulent businesses that were possibly fronting a ring of identity thieves. The notification postcards sent to victims read, “we deeply regret any inconvenience.”

I have a message to DSW, LexisNexis, ChoicePoint, and any other companies with insufficient security procedures: regret doesn’t butter the biscuit.

If these examples prove anything, it’s that identity theft is a matter of when rather than if. Too many companies aggregate too much data, and have insufficient means of protecting it. It’s enough to make a guy move to the country and write a manifesto, or at least a bunch of privacy rants on a website. Pardon me while I grow a beard.

I’m considering using cash for purchases. I don’t know how e-commerce would work, but I’d be interested in anonymous payment mechanisms or one-time account numbers. I’d gladly trade the inconvenience for security.

In case you’re wondering why we even know about these incidents, you can thank the great state of California, which passed a law requiring companies and government agencies to notify California citizens if their private data has been accessed by unauthorized parties.