DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I always thought white asparagus was white because it came out of a can.

When our German friends found out we were headed to Germany in May, the first response — and this was universal; every one of them yelled and practically did a little dance — was to proclaim jealousy that we’d be able to eat lots of white asparagus. “Only in May!” they said, “white asparagus!” And I was like, canned asparagus has a season?

I have since been schooled in the ways of white asparagus. It’s a national delicacy (ranking right up there with currywurst). It’s white because it grows under ground — farmers mound dirt atop the plants, then cover the mounds with plastic tarps. I have no idea how it grows without sun. I have no idea why anyone would think, here’s an idea: let’s bury a plant in dirt so that it grows all pale and sickly-looking… and then eat it.

The season lasts about two months, during which every restaurant and market in the country hangs huge signs offering “Spargel!” I even saw a 10-meter-high inflatable SpargelMan, who looked sort of like the Heat Miser, albeit a tall, skinny, albino Heat Miser.