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Nine days ago, I spent 36 hours in Las Vegas — my first time there. Here are some impressions from the perspective of a first-timer.

It’s loud, disorienting, and runs 24x7. If you go there, bring earplugs and comfortable shoes, and leave all your cash and credit cards at home.

If you don’t leave your money at home, you’ll leave it in the casinos, which appear to be entertainment complexes but in actuality comprise a unique filtering system designed to allow humans to pass through, while removing the entire contents of their wallets. The best odds in the room are the change machines. Casinos are like financial black holes, where the gravity is so strong that your money cannot escape.

Here’s a challenge worthy of a Mensa test: walk straight through a gaming room. This is like one of those “draw a single line that connects all the dots” puzzles, except that it can’t be solved. There are no straight paths through the casinos. The floorplans were designed to maximize any pedestrian’s exposure to opportunities for spending: slots, craps, cards, sports, etc. Also, the signage is a disaster (to promote wandering), and several of the things you might be looking for (restrooms, attractions, and in some cases the exits) are located in the center of the room. If you ask anyone for directions, the response invariably begins “well, go back into the casino…”

But if you are comfortable with your resistance to get-rich-quick schemes, Las Vegas presents unparalleled opportunities for distraction. The architecture is absurd, of course — there’s a miniature New York skyline with wrap-around roller coaster, a 50-story Eiffel Tower replica, a fairy castle, a Sphynx and what appears to be an obsidian pyramid with a 40-billion candlepower light shooting out the top — a spectacular sight after dark.

Most of the casinos are festooned with JumboTron projectors advertising the shows, shopping, and attractions inside. Outside the Treasure Island, I saw a funny juxtaposition: a double-size billboard advertising Danny Gans, the Entertainer of the Year, just below a video screen advertising Sigfried & Roy, the Magicians of the Century. Las Vegas is all about one-upmanship.