DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Today is day 8 of my 10-day “cleanse:” an attempt to purge, in under 2 weeks, a body full of toxins that took over 30 years to accumulate.

So far, so good… it’s been:

• 9 days since I’ve eaten chicken or pork. (It’s been 10 years since I gave up cow, to the ongoing happiness of my colon.)
  
• about 10 days since I’ve consumed any dairy products at all, except for occasional butter “as a condiment.” (Approximately 3 million people on this planet will understand the condiment joke. You know who you are.)
  
• 12 days since I’ve ingested any alcohol. (But I’ve taken to brushing my teeth with Zinfandel.)
  
• 2 days since I began drinking funky green stuff — reconstituted wheatgrass and algae, for God’s sake — for breakfast
  
• 8 days since I drank any beverage at all within 20 minutes of eating
  
• 8 days since I’ve eaten fruit with any other food

I’m ecstatic that I didn’t have any horrible addictions to cure — caffeine, nicotine, or sugar — because any healthy lifestyle plan forbids coffee, cigarettes, and soda, the holy trinity of American substance abuse.

I eat a salad nearly every day. Some days, I have two. But I refuse to eat steamed broccoli for breakfast (sorry, Tony).

I try not to combine starches and proteins. This rule, which would seem to affect the “steak and potato” crowd primarily, turned out to be tough for me, too. I don’t miss milk, and to my surprise I haven’t missed cheese very much, but my standard breakfast menu is an unbeatable combination of starch and protein, and for a time (until about 10 minutes ago) I feared my happiness had been irrevocably harmed… until I found this eye-opening treatise on food combination, which makes a distinction between animal and vegetable proteins, and which means I can combine Trader Joe’s peanut butter with my own fresh bread for a fast-breaking taste sensation. Ahh, the small pleasures…!