DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Picture the opulence of Las Vegas… flying over the carnival of the Strip, riding the airport train from the gate to the terminal, and seeing the stack of limousines at the airport… and then arriving at the only reasonably priced hotel near the Strip, the Howard Johnson’s, which hasn’t been remodeled — no, strike that — hasn’t had its carpets cleaned since the mid-1970s.

The room was typical of bargain-priced hotels. This doesn’t address the fact that we weren’t paying bargain prices; this room actually cost us more than a corner suite at the Westin Cincinnati, with a view of Fountain Square (recognizeable by all WKRP in Cincinnati fans) last summer. I suspect the later scenes in Leaving Las Vegas were filmed here; certainly some of the stains on the carpets looked familiar.

We didn’t plan to spend much time in the room, so we ignored the obvious defects such as the bathroom fan that sounded like it was about to throw a rod. But then, as we got dressed for the evening, we saw a mouse dart across the floor.

Gad. I’m not afraid of mice, but the image of this rodent crawling around our luggage and pooping in our shoes while we slept was enough to make me throw a rod. I called the front desk, and after explaining our predicament I was assured that Housekeeping would be up presently to deal with the vermin.

Twenty minutes later, with no word from Housekeeping, I rang back and asked for the manager on call. Mysteriously, they routed me to a voice mail box, apparently not understanding the term “on call.” With decreasing patience I called again and expressed irritation until they offered to move us to another room. So we half-heartedly moved to the only remaining room in the hotel, two floors higher, with a dead television set and a view of the other highway.

The next morning, we checked out in a rush, and I didn’t examine the bill until we were on the way to the airport… when I realized that our upgrade to the not-infested room cost an extra $75. I wondered if their marketing collateral lists those distinctions: “Nonsmoking rooms available! Nonrodent rooms available! (Additional charges may apply.)” I called the hotel from the airport but was met with resistance that only cluelessness can bring. The woman understood that I was upset but didn’t grok that I was upset about being overcharged. She thought I was upset that I’d been moved to another room, and said that they’d have been happy to move us back into our original room except that they’d rented it to someone else.

It took another phone call from home, but I finally reached a manager, and after telling the story again, succeeded in getting a refund for the amount we were overcharged.