DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

The Supreme Court judges are weighing in on the Microsoft antitrust suit. In a line that sounds scripted by one of Microsoft’s attorneys, Judge A. Raymond Randolph (who has ruled in favor of MSFT in the past) opined that Windows without a browser is like “a clock-radio without the clock.”

Let’s think about that for a minute. On the one hand, you have a clock-radio, which may or may not have a clock. On the other, an x86-based PC running Windows, which may or may not have a web browser.

A clock-radio serves one primary purpose: producing noise at a predetermined time. The noise may be an alarm, or may be broadcast talk, music, or commercials, or smarmy schlock jocks yipping at one another to canned laughter… e.g., the radio. As a secondary purpose, a clock-radio may be used as just a radio, although it’s safe to say very few people would buy a clock-radio if they don’t need its clock-specific functionality. A clock-radio without a clock, we can conclude, is a radio: useful in some contexts, none of which are the ones where a clock-radio with a clock excels. In other words, and to clearly state the point of Randolph’s analogy, a clock-radio without a clock is useless.

In contrast, a personal computer without a web browser — even one running Windows — serves up hundreds of useful functions. I’ll skip the list and assume that you, unlike Judge Randolph, can imagine the utility of a PC minus a web browser. Here is a hint: step back in time about 5 years, to an era when millions of people owned personal computers, and none of them had a web browser.

Now let’s examine the context in which Randolph’s statement was made. Part of the antitrust suit is concerned with MSFT’s bundling of its web browser, Internet Explorer, with its operating system, Windows. The suit isn’t about whether users can have a web browser or not; it’s about Microsoft’s forcing users to have IE even if they don’t want it. Randolph’s analogy implies that unless MSFT bundles IE, Windows users can’t have a web browser at all.

Clearly, this implication is a fantasy, perhaps believed by MSFT’s executives and PR team, but a fantasy nonetheless. Windows users are free and have for years been free to choose from Netscape Navigator, Opera, or any of a variety of browsers that, in some cases, beat IE in features and performance, and match it in price ($0).

So where does all this leave Judge A. Raymond Randolph? Our best guess: on Microsoft’s payroll.

It has recently been discovered that all varieties of the Windows operating system, as well as Outlook and Outlook Express, are a virus!!!! Telltale behavior includes shotgun forwarding of phony virus warnings to the entire address book!!!!

I received two copies of an absurd virus warning this weekend. It’s difficult to tell which is worse, the threat of a destructive virus, or the pileup of warning emails that precedes it. Actually, I know what is worse still: most varieties of the Windows operating system, which in their gross vulnerabilities encourage panic-stricken, distrustful users to spam the entire planet with virus warnings.

I don’t happen to use Windows so I’m immune to 99% of the viruses that these emails warn about. The next challenge: becoming immune to the email pileup.

What was curious about the latest “virus warning” attack is that it references McAfee’s website, presumably to gain the credibility of their anti-virus brand. However, a 30-second visit to mcafee.com indicates that this particular virus (“A Virtual Card For You”) is a hoax. Worse still, this hoax was listed in November of ‘00, meaning it’s been circulating the net for at least three months.

Windows users should bookmark this site: McAfee.com Virus Hoax Listings.

Gene Spafford, author of Practical UNIX & Internet Security, wrote a fascinating article describing why Windows is so vulnerable to viral infection, and suggests ways to reduce its huge vulnerabilities. Even single-machine homes can benefit from this. See also these steps to disable Windows Scripting Host, a primary vector of virus propagation.

This is a substantial groove, a meat sandwich sort of groove. It began as a bass-drum workout — playing 4 distinct strokes on the kick is a challenge with one foot — and evolved into a snare-dynamics workout — check the accents in the snare pattern.

Although it started as an exercise, it ended up as music. The samples below use a standard quarter-note pulse on the ride, but this pattern sounds phenomenal with an ostinato such as 1 +a or, even cooler, 1e a for an upbeat push.

And if this doesn’t sound challenging, try playing it at about 120 bpm.

Note the linearity (not sure that’s a word) of the snare and kick pattern in the second measure; the last two beats comprise a paradiddle across the two drums.

      1e+a2e+a3e+a4e+a1e+a2e+a3e+a4e+a
RC    o   o   o   o   o   o   o   o   
SD     Ooo    Ooo o  o oo o oO O oO oo
KD    o  oooo    o oo o  o o  o oo o

Patronize these links, man:

• Virtual Drummer loop
• MIDI
• MP3

The second generation of JAR saw its musicianship evolve, perhaps mature, and the instrumentation change slightly. We’ve unearthed a representative track, which was performed live on Bay TV Morning in San Francisco. You can find the MP3 on the JAR page.

In a previous life, I performed and recorded with a progressive rock band called JAR. The band’s debut CD is now available for free download in MP3 format.