DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Yesterday, Cisco laid off 8000 workers.

In a move as predictable as, I don’t know, Clinton denying wrongdoing, Cisco’s PR machine has created a new term for layoff that is not only free of evil connotations, but also free of meaning: “normal involuntary attrition.”

We’ll give Cisco spokesman Tom Galvin the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn’t craft that senseless phrase in advance, but merely blurted it out in the panic of the bright lights and microphones during a regrettable announcement.

But for an entertaining and enlightened analysis, read Steve Rubenstein’s deconstruction of Cisco’s ridiculous new coinage.

(Casting doubt on my benefit, Cisco’s own press release contains a related contradiction in terms, “involuntary attrition.” Gad, why can’t they just say LAYOFF? Who are they trying to fool?)

The Net has always demonstrated a peculiar affinity for haiku. A quick search turned up Y2k haiku, Mr. Jenkins haiku, Survivor haiku, Clinton haiku, and my two personal favorites, Spam haiku and Unabomber haiku.

These formidable ranks have been joined, perhaps bested, by the latest entry: Piggypoop Haiku. Oink!

Long-time readers may recall our mention of a vertical Zin sampler offered by Dashe Cellars. On a recent day of some personal importance, we drank the oldest bottle of the trio, a 1996 Dry Creek Valley Zinfandel. According to the label, the Zin was blended with small (but unspecified) amounts of Carignane and Alicante Bouschet.

This wine is huge. Monstrous berries, with none of the high-alcohol heat that often accompanies Zinfandels. It was perhaps not as balanced as some of our other favorite Zins, but we enjoyed it immensely, and quickly, with 100g of Ritter Sport Halbbitter. Sensational!

January 15, 2001 — Go.com buys the centerfold spread in the Industry Standard, “introducing the new Go.com”, pitching their new “interactive” advertisements called ActivAds.

In a move that was probably designed to appeal to the corporate executives in the Standard’s readership, the ad instructed readers to contact Thomas Hartman, VP/Worldwide Sales — no phone-sales flunkies here, no cube farm of MBA interns in Plantronics headsets… your ad order goes straight to Mahogany Row!

January 29, 2001 — Disney lays off the entire Go.com staff and announces plans to shutter the go.com website.

According to The Industry Standard’s calendar, that insert was placed on December 11, or possibly earlier. So the time between rolling out a hopeful, high-profile new ad campaign, and giving the boot to 400 people, is a measly 49 days.

In this economy, that doesn’t sound too bad; running full-tilt into the wall is in some ways preferable to the alternatives. But it is ironic when the company it happens to boasts that their new ad technology is “as close as you can get to being psychic.” If they were really psychic, they might have been able to predict that betting the company on an online ad-sales business plan, after a 6- or 9-month slide in online advertising rates, wasn’t such a hot idea.

As a somber postscript to this episode, we confirmed (with a quick call to the phone number in the advertisement) that Thomas Hartman, VP/Worldwide Sales, is no longer working at Go.com.

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(Updated 2005-03-22)
MediaPlex

(Updated 2003-10-24)
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