DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Last night I got the surprise of my life. Literally, I think I have never been this surprised.

My wife, more sneaky than previously suspected, casually suggested we spend a nostalgic night in the City, visiting old haunts. We had a fantastic dinner at our favorite Thai place (Neecha — Sutter & Steiner) and then drove to the one pub in the world where at one point in time I might have been considered a regular, or at least a familiar face, Tommy’s Joynt (Van Ness & Geary).

We walked in the front door and along the food counter, a traditional Hofbrau presentation of steaming, roasted animal parts. I followed my wife as she continued toward the stairs in the back of the room. “Why don’t we get a beer at the bar first?”

She said over he shoulder, not even slowing down, “Let’s see if there’s a table upstairs.” This struck me as an odd thing to say as there was an empty table about 10' away.

“But upstairs sucks, the waittress never goes up there. Why don’t we —”

She was ascending two steps at a time. Were we running from someone? And then it struck me: “Who are we meeting?” Her purposeful lack of response sent a chill. I don’t really like surprises.

At the top of the stairs, we looked around and saw no one familiar. I felt a small dose of relief. And then the waittress (ironically, upstairs after all) called out, “Who are you looking for?” “Nobody,” I answered firmly. But she and my wife knew something I did not, and the waittress pointed at a third room behind a closed partition. Yeesh… what was hiding behind door #1? Probably not a vacation in Tahiti.

“Are you ready?” …a last moment of sympathy before she threw the partition aside to reveal fifteen of my best friends, gathered together and drinking many beers in my honor. I was speechless. And very touched.

Maybe the reason I don’t like surprises is that I haven’t had very many good ones. But this was good, better than good — off the charts good. More like this, please!

I have a few positive experiences to report. I’ve had the pleasure of sending money to a few companies that promise to treat my personal information as something to be guarded, rather than as something to be sold.

Loudspeaker manufacturer Polk Audio includes a card with their merchandise promoting online warranty registration. The card claims, “The data we gather on our on-line registration is never sold or otherwise shared with anyone.” I love to see that! I stopped filing warranty registrations ten years ago, when I realized that the amount of junk mail I received was directly proportional to the number of boxes I’d checked off the last time I sent in a warranty registration card. But I took Polk’s claims at face value and registered online in an effort to support the sort of business model I can feel good about, i.e. making money by selling a product rather than selling customer data.

One caution: I’m pretty sure the analog registration method (that is, the postcard with 60 checkboxes on it, asking what magazines I read and — unbelievable — how much money I make), is almost certain to generate an avalanche of glossy, coated-paper crap via the USPS. Buy Polk, but register online.

I also made a purchase recently from Crutchfield. As it is a huge, catalog-sales, mail-order vendor, I was surprised to see this on the order form:

The remarkable thing is, the “NO” option was prechecked! When was the last time you saw a company use opt-in rather than opt-out? I’m online more often than not and I was shocked (happily) to see this.

In the privacy doghouse is the Life Extension Foundation, whose FAQ claims, No information, including names, addresses or e-mail addresses is leased or sold to anyone else. But when I called them to confirm, two sales reps admitted that their opt-out system is broken — once you’re in the customer database, they lose control, and your private data could be sold to anyone.

Further caution: LEF.org uses Microsoft’s Passport service! That’s a great big red flag for anyone concerned about privacy. Microsoft’s track record is so poor that the phrase Microsoft security is an oxymoron.

So, LEF lost my business, and earned the wrong kind of publicity right here. If you’d like to live forever, I strongly suggest you place your order for anti-aging supplements with iHerb.com, whose privacy policy is short, unambiguous, and confirmed by their sales reps:

We do not sell, rent or share personal information with any third party. The information you give us is totally confidential, and will not be sold or given to any individual or company or organization under any circumstances. This is our simple promise to you.

When I called to confirm this claim, the iHerb rep actually scoffed at me. I generally don’t like to be scoffed at, but if ever there was a time to be scoffed at it’s just after asking the question “Will your company sell or rent my private data?” We don’t do that, he said derisively.

So, applause all around: Polk Audio, Crutchfield, and iHerb (maker of fine organic home theater components), thank you and good luck!

(The standard disclaimer applies: I’m making these endorsements without compensation, and regrettably do not expect to profit should you decide to patronize these fine merchants.)

What does it mean that I’ve only heard of about one-third of the artists in CDNow’s Top 100? I’ve always felt a bit out of touch with popular culture; this is clearly related.

Must read: Firewalk accident leaves fast food bosses working for Colonel Cinders. (Sydney Morning Herald — local mirror)

It was meant to build confidence, but 30 managers of the KFC fast food restaurant were left nursing sore feet after a firewalk did not go as planned.

Twenty people were taken to Hunter Valley hospitals, where they were treated with the Colonel’s “Secret Recipe” of 11 herbs and spices, and a side of mashed potatoes and gravy.

OK, I’m kidding about the gravy.

Does this story sound familiar? See BK Broiler!. (What is it with these lunatics, thinking they can walk on fire?)

Thanks to Aaron for forwarding this story!

Human cannonball Ermes Zamperla, injured two weeks ago when he overshot his landing pad, is unable to walk… but managed to crawl off his couch to punch his girlfriend during an argument. He was subsequently arrested.