DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I never signed the (Gov. Davis) recall petition, but I probably would have. Gray Davis always struck me as an ineffectual leader, better at winning elections than governing. His reputation for running dirty campaigns bothered me — according to reports in the Chronicle, Davis’ standard technique is to smear his opponents so badly that voters see no choice but to vote against them. In effect, Davis’ campaign methodology seems to be to make Davis the least of all available evils.

If he can’t run on his merits, I wondered, is it because he doesn’t have any?

I hoped that out of this large state, someone with real leadership ability would step up and win on a positive campaign. The structure of the recall meant that an outsider could win, without going through a traditional primary. In other words, somebody other than a party-line Republican or party-line Democrat could actually have a shot.

My favorite candidate was Arianna Huffington. Anybody who has written eight books in a non-native language must be smart, I thought. And then she challenged all candidates to weekly debates — which would give me the opportunity to see the candidates defend their platforms. I would learn firsthand who can speak clearly, think clearly, and persuade — three critical skills for an effective governor.

Also, she promoted energy conservation and the use of renewable resources. She said: “I will make the development of renewable energy sources a state priority, and work to reverse the disastrous decline in California’s air quality.” You’d have to be shortsighted to not be in favor of renewable energy.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Schwarzenegger announced his candidacy and immediately leapt to the front of the polls. The starstruck people of California have confused celebrity with political ability. Stories of crowds begging for autographs discourage me. I mean, I am entertained by his movies too, but do I want him determining the state’s financial and energy policies? No.

I’m most concerned about his stance on energy and the environment. For one thing, he drives a Hummer. As a conservationalist, I think this is brain-dead. He not only drives but celebrates the least efficient vehicle on the road today. What message does that send?

• I’m poisoning your air, but that’s OK because I look really cool.
• I’m increasing our dependency on foreign oil, but that’s OK because, err, I look really cool.
• I’m promoting waste, inefficiency, macho aggressiveness, and style over substance, but that’s OK because, ahh, I look really cool?

Arnold Schwarzenegger launched his campaign with claims that he is not a politician, and that he would not accept special-interest money. As far as I can tell, both claims are false.

He claimed that he is not a politician, presumably because voters are fed up with politicians (e.g. Gray Davis). What is it about politicians that citizens dislike? Here is my list, “the characteristics of politicians that inspire loathing”: lying, evasiveness, hypocrisy, abuse of power, cronyism, prioritizing fundraising over legislating, a focus on image and spin rather than truth or reality. With that checklist, let’s review Schwarzenegger’s campaign…

First, Schwarzenegger refused to participate in any debate in which he wasn’t given the questions first. I can only conclude that he was afraid he’d come across as bumbling or ineffective. Presumably his poll numbers were so strong that he didn’t want to risk his lead position by saying something dumb. But if he can’t handle a few opponents in a debate, how well will he handle himself in Sacramento?

Then he began accepting donations from special interests. He claimed these big corporate donors aren’t “special interests,” but that even if they are, he says, “I don’t promise anyone anything. There’s no strings attached to anything.” Basically he has taken the bribe but wants us to believe he is not beholden. But if he has already lied about taking the money, why should I trust him not to pay back the donation with attention and sympathetic legislation? I guarantee you those donors perceive the strings attached to that money.

Lately he’s been accused by 15 women of groping. I have a hard time caring about stuff that happened 20 years ago, but the volume of these complaints delineates a pattern. As recently as three years ago, Schwarzenegger allegedly groped a journalist during a publicity tour. That’s an abuse of power.

Schwarzenegger issued an early apology for this abuse, but when the reports continued to come in, he blamed the media.

For a non-politician, Schwarzenegger acts an awful lot like a politician. And I do mean “awful.” He promised change, but it’s already the same old dishonest, disrespectful story, and he is not even in office yet.

I’ve come full circle. I would have voted Davis out, but now I have to vote against the recall. I disliked Davis because of his smear campaigns, but now I’m thinking that more people need to know about Schwarzenegger’s dissembling. I’ll be voting for the lesser of two evils, and I resent both Schwarzenegger and Davis for putting me in this position.

The best outcome I can hope for is that Davis learned a lesson from this. Maybe he’ll be a better governor. If he manages to keep his office.

On the topic of Laws, here’s the story of the origin of Murphy’s Law. The article draws no certain conclusions, except that every player disagrees about what really happened. And, they’re all pretty tired of being asked about it.

The single undisputed bit is that the man who made the expression famous (whether or not he coined it) was Col. John Paul Stapp, M.D., who is best known for piloting the rocket sleds “Gee Whiz” and “Sonic Wind” to measure the ability of the human body to withstand sudden force. He was apparently a fan of wordplay and author of a book of witty expressions. He’d chrisened his own Law, Stapp’s Ironical Paradox: the universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle.

He’s a man after my own heart. Well, except for all that business about strapping himself to a rocket sled and braking so hard that his eyes just about popped out of his skull.

Cheers to correspondent Jacque Harper for pointing out the Ig Nobel Prize website. The 2003 winners include John Paul Stapp.

When the sun goes down, the cliff lights up. The sight is awesome. Bring a tripod.

We’d inadvertently timed our days in Ia so that the moon rose just after dinner. I recommend this. We would have been walking around anyway, soaking up the atmosphere. In that magical place it seemed perfectly reasonable to think that celestial bodies had aligned just to suit us.

Midway between our apartment and the main shopping district of Ia, paths converge to form a rest stop of sorts. It’s probably somebody’s patio, but we paused there frequently, i.e. every time there wasn’t already a crowd of people gawking. The view is terrific, especially at night, and there’s a low wall ideal for repose. The sight of the city lights curving away in the distance, around the crescent of the island, is especially excellent.

I don’t know why it always seemed so incongruous to me, but the shops in Ia tend to have million-dollar views. Sometimes I’d go into a store just to look out the window. This picture was taken through the open window of a jewelry-and-kitsch shop; I had to press the camera up against the wall of the building to steady it for the long exposure. The string of lights in the distance outlines the wall of the caldera midway around the crescent. I believe those lights mark the town of Imerovigli, which stands 300 meters above the sea, on the highest point of the caldera.

My favorite night picture shows the western edge of the city, from below. I took the picture from the long path that descends to the port town of Amoudi. Looking up the hillside to see the resorts and homes from below, and the darkening sky above, I was struck (again) by how strange the terrain is on Santorini. I felt like I was immersed in it. Santorini is much more three-dimensional than most places I’ve visited, except maybe Zion National Park.

I’m jealous of Metcalf and Ohm and Boyle; they all have Laws. Occasionally I wonder what my law would be… something I’d be remembered for long after I’m gone.

Today I thought of a potential candidate. It comes from years of software development, throughout which I have frequently been faced with incredibly detailed, complex, sometimes self-contradictory functional specs that have to be boiled down, reduced to code and data storage, and put online right now. Here’s the law:

If it takes three days to explain, it will take three months to build.

Here’s a sample application of the law: If you want it done by next week, tell me about it in simple terms. You have ten seconds.

I don’t get too many of those 10-second requests, except for the ones that go, “You know that thing you built last week? Turn it off. I changed my mind.”

Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 09:53:49 +0100
From: lost and found
Subject: Second bag found

we have good news for you : as we were still waiting for reply from Athens the missing bag was found at Frankfurt. There are no more Baggagetags attached but accord. to the name label it must be yours. The bag type does also match.
We are going to fwd the baggage onboard LH454/01Oct to SFO.
Best regards from Frankfurt Airport

Uwe Prager