DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

What part of “do not bend” did you not understand?

Handy tips for would-be entrepreneurs at the Green Festival:

• If you’re going to come to my booth to try to sell me something, do so before sucking down that half-pound of garlic aioli in the food court.
• Elaborate nose-wiping routines are best performed in the restroom, with a tissue, rather than during your pitch, with your fingers, and yes you lose points by trying to shake my hand afterwards.

Now, which booth was it that was selling cruelty-free bleach?

The Green Festival had another great year. I love the energy; people let their shields down because they realize, finally, here’s a group of folks who have also figured out how the world ought to work. True, there may only be a couple thousand of us, but at least once a year we get together to enjoy some organic flax-chip vegan nachos, raw free-trade coffee, and a soy danish with soy nut butter served on a compostable soy-plastic plate.

Speaking of which, I think the secret corporate sponsor of this year’s festival was the Soy Council. Get yer stunning photograph proof right here.

My review of the 2004 event is a lot more interesting than this one. For that matter, so is my review of the 2003 event.

I’ve heard of drum kits sounding warm and punchy, but never sharp, tangy, piquant, mild, smoked, aged, marinated, low-fat, fine-curd, skim, rich, astringent, aromatic, pungent, lightly fermented, milky, creamy, citric, bitter, mature, spreadable, nutty, sweet, crumbled, fresh, or moist.

I’ve outsourced my mixdown, and now I’m an impatient client. Evan won’t get to my songs until “mid-November.” I happen to know he’s already double-booked, though, and I’m guessing the guy that shows up with disks in hand gets priority over the guy who lives 430 miles away.

My mixes have been waiting 11 months already, so I can’t honestly say I’m up against a deadline. I just want to hear the songs. I mean, really want.

The folks at Auralex have famously said about room sound: “there’s no knob for it.” Unfortunately, there’s no knob for “please work on my mixes now” either.

To be fair, most mix engineers probably wish they had a knob for “client mouth volume.” I’ll turn mine down now.