DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Of all the places in the world where people are often confused and/or lost, airports contain the highest concentration of people who are looking somewhere other than where they’re walking.

Visitor confusion is easily explained: tight schedules, crowds, a lack of legible signage, etc. But people are confused in lots of places, and this doesn’t always result in effectively blinded automatons who’d as soon run you down as step around you. The difference, I’ve decided, is momentum.

Because in addition to the melange of obvious distractions, airports suffer from a population burdened with heavy luggage: suitcases, duffle bags, briefcases, trunks, backpacks, sample cases, diaper bags, coats, purses, cameras, pet carriers, and so on. When saddled with gear, many people apparently believe that walking in any direction is preferable to stepping out of traffic, determining where to go, and only then continuing.

The only explanation I can think of for this behavior is that too much energy would be required to stop and restart forward motion: in an attempt to prevent a dramatic loss of energy (which might be needed later when elbowing through a crowded aisle to lift 300 lbs of carry-on crap into the overhead compartment), many travelers opt to continue in their original direction until faced with a compelling need to turn — e.g. a solid wall, a fellow traveler, or a sign elsewhere indicating once and for all that one’s ultimate destination lies over there.

There’s a related, and equally regrettable behavior type that is evident at airports: folks that stop in the middle of the corridor and slowly turn 360 degrees to figure out where to go next. This is an energy-saving play, too, although it’s interpreted differently: walking in the wrong direction is a waste, whereas stopping and starting is just a necessary evil. The problem, of course, is that everyone walking behind these folks has to stop short or hop around, or traffic backs up. (In ideal cases, everybody stops short in a straight line, until someone at the back end isn’t quick enough and knocks the whole line down like dominos.)

So anyway, I stepped off an escalator at SFO last Saturday and was nearly toppled by a man with two heavy suitcases. He was walking straight at me, but his head was turned 90 degrees to the right. “Am I supposed to be over there?” he was thinking. “I’d better keep walking this way until I’m sure.” I was able to step around him, but unfortunately caught his eye, and his attention, just before he marched up the down-escalator, which I’d have liked to see.

I stood still, watching for a few seconds, marveling at this guy’s thoughtlessness — he just assumes everyone else is looking out, making room for him — when some other jerk shoulders around me, muttering “Don’t stop in the middle of the corridor!”

Imagine the nerve!