DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

It takes no spectacular power of reasoning to determine that what I wear is fascinating to approximately none of you. Nevertheless.

I went shopping the other day, to prepare for the occasion of a friend’s wedding. My friend had the good sense not to include me in the wedding party, perhaps because he’s seen what I look like in a tux. So while I was happy to avoid the tux-rental song and dance, I was left with a wardrobe somewhat inadequate for the ceremony and reception.

The men’s department at Macy’s is staffed, I was relieved to discover, with young women who are able to assemble shirts, ties, and trousers into ensembles that appeal, or at least don’t look ridiculous. Or at least don’t look as ridiculous as what I would have come up with. (There’s a line in This Is Spinal Tap that comes to mind: “such a fine line between clever and stupid.” I think this is more true of fashion than of heavy metal — but especially true of heavy metal fashion, now that I think about it.)

Here’s something that shocked me about buying a necktie: “Grateful Dead Neckwear” is apparently a respected brand-name!

Sure, I’m familiar with Jerry Garcia’s ties — those actually made sense; they were based on Garcia’s own original artwork.

In contrast, “Grateful Dead Neckwear” seems to be a cheap attempt to cash in on the band’s name to sell merchandise. The designs are wholly unrelated to the band or its members. The only connection is the following pap, a marketing blurb accompanying the ties: The Grateful Dead Neckwear collection originates from the rich body of music, iconography, and culture that has evolved during the extraordinary thirty year history of the band. In other words, basically anything related to anything from the past 30 years is fair game. Which is to say: the designs on these ties have as much to do with the Grateful Dead as does the shape of my left nipple, which has also evolved during the past 30 years. You might argue that my left nipple did not originate from music, iconography, or culture, but I’d respond that the designs on these ties didn’t either.

In related news, I was finally able to find a belt that didn’t have someone else’s name on it.