DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I had occasion to attend the 2002 graduation ceremony at Sonoma State University, to see my therapist get yet another Master’s degree. The college president made a speech, opening with a well-timed (and well-received) joke in which he took responsibility for the day’s gorgeous weather. It doesn’t sound like much, but it was funny, and people laughed. He seemed likeable, in control, and comfortable.

The president introduced another speaker, who came to the podium, thanked the president for the introduction, and began to ad-lib a comment in response to the president’s weather joke. “It’s great that you were able to arrange this beautiful day for us,” he began, “because if you hadn’t…” I wondered where he’d go with this. I was surprised to hear not only that he would ad-lib an opening joke — which seemed like a bold move given the audience of 3000 people — but that he’d use a form that appeared could only end by insulting the college president.

The speaker paused. Whether the pause was to set up his punchline, or to reconsider whether he had a punchline, was not immediately clear.

It became clear. The speaker’s regret projected clearly through the PA system as we realized that he did not, in fact, know how to complete the sentence he’d started, and which was hanging in the morning air like the body of a convicted cattle rustler. (I didn’t want to look, but I stared in horrified fascination just the same.)

I can only guess what might have been going through his mind: regret at ad-libbing his opener, when no doubt there was a reasonably good one scripted on the first page of his notes… regret at not having thought of a good punchline before he stood up… regret at standing, metaphorically naked, in front of 3000 people, half a sentence into an insult to his host.

Here’s what he finally offered… “because if he hadn’t, his name would be on that terrible list.”

That terrible list? Ahh, of course, he’s referring to the official United States List of California College Presidents Who Don’t Manage To Arrange for Great Weather During Graduation Ceremonies. I think they keep a copy of this in Sacramento, but it’s available for public viewing to any US citizen under the Freedom of Information Act.

The speaker pushed through, though, and continued with what I thought was a very good address, providing good advice and inspiration to the graduating class, as well as anyone with an interest in public speaking.