DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

We saw the new Matt Damon espionage thriller, The Bourne Identity. I liked it; I think Damon did a credible job as the spy-with-many-powers-and-amnesia.

I find that plotline tremendously appealing. I guess it feeds my fantasy that I’ll one day discover that I have an immense but unexpected talent, to complement the few talents I really do have, and the many talents I believe I possess even if everyone around me is convinced I’m dreaming.

Yes, TBI shares its premise with The Long Kiss Goodnight, another fun movie. I liked TBI better. And I think Jason Bourne can kick Samantha Caine’s ass, even if Caine can chop celery better than Martin Yan.

I noticed a few bothersome details in the movie. They don’t detract from the story, which is why they bug me — they could have been fixed without consequence.

First: Bourne has amnesia, but learns over a few weeks’ time that he is unbeatable in hand-to-hand combat, knows an alarming amount about guns, and owns a half-dozen passports in different names and a pile of currency from every country in Europe. And, persons unknown to him are trying to execute him. After all that, he asks “Who am I?” Like it’s any big mystery … even the chuckleheads in the back of the theater are thinking, “Haven’t you ever been to the movies? You’re a secret agent!!”

If he’s supposed to be so smart, it should have been completely obvious, even if unbelievable, that he’s an extremely well-trained assassin. It’s as if Bourne flipped open a copy of What Color is Your Parachute, thinking… “OK, I speak seven languages, I like to travel, and I kill people with my hands. It says here I’m perfectly suited for an exciting career in livestock management!”

Second: after a close call, Bourne realizes his enemies are much better informed as to his whereabouts than previously suspected. So, seizing a high-tech counterespionage technique, he makes his companion cut her hair short. Gee, that will really throw everyone off the trail! Especially since Bourne was still lugging around the red shoulder sack that was so incongruously bright it could be seen from space.