DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I signed up for Pac*Bell DSL as soon as it was available, about three years ago. I was so excited about it, I even opted for the high-end Business account, which at $300+/month was a lot cheaper than what I’d been paying previously. And even though Pac*Bell never managed to deliver the promised bandwidth, I kept paying the stiff MRC, because I needed the higher upstream bandwidth. And so I paid them thousands and thousands of dollars over the years.

After I moved out of the house, I cancelled the DSL account. This was in the middle of the billing cycle, and yet Pac*Bell billed me for the full MRC. I put the bill aside in expectation of receiving a corrected final bill, and was dismayed (although not particularly surprised) to find that the final bill also requested the full month’s amount.

I steeled myself against disappointment and called the company. This is always an adventure, if when you think “adventure” you discard all connotations of fun and instead think of something unpleasant that you will survive but regret, like slamming your hand in a car door or running out of gas near the crack house under the freeway. I was transferred — no lie — seven times. I had to explain the situation seven times. By number three I introduced my plight with a command, “Do not transfer me!” This only worked the last time, of course.

Clerk #7 was one of the handful of competent operators they sprinkle through the organization just to make sure some productive work occasionally gets done. She was able to correct my account. I immediately wrote a check for the balance and put it in the mail.

A week later, I got a phone call from a collection agency. That’s Pac*Bell service for you… It might take them six weeks to install a line, but they’re lightening-quick on the billing, even after they’ve been paid.

BTW, I am aware that SBC took over Pac*Bell’s DSL service, but I prefer the old name, because it allows me to quote Kurt Vonnegut: “The * is a picture of my asshole.”

More on “horrific” Pac*Bell DSL service: DSLreports.com’s Pac*Bell DSL Forum