DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I got to the diner at 8am. My normally-punctual friend (well, frankly, he’s abnormally punctual) was not there. I waited for a few minutes, chatted with the cook, and then decided that my friend’s absence could be due only to my failure to understand our plans. So I hopped back into the car and drove to the other diner.

On the way down the street, I saw my friend driving toward me, or rather toward the diner I’d just left. I’d had the right place after all; he was late for the second time in five years. (I don’t consciously keep track of these things… but I think it’s natural to remember the odd events, like when a politician does an honorable thing or a big company acts in the consumer’s favor.) Anyway, I spun around and followed him to the diner.

I know this story isn’t very interesting yet. Bear with me. It will get better, or at least longer. Did you have something else you had to get to?

There was a delay in the parking lot, some kind of confusion with a car stopping and people getting in and out. This cost me a few seconds. My companion was visible through the door, ordering breakfast at the counter. I’d hoped to catch him at the counter so I could put my order in at the same time. But the guy getting out of the car, tying up traffic (such as it is in the mostly-empty parking lot of a tiny diner in a small town), walked inside and formed a line at the counter.

I debated — line up as #3, or walk to the front to join my friend? It could be argued that my friend was holding a place in line for me. It could also be argued that, as I’d been there way before any of these people, I had some residual right to order food early. And finally (and conclusively), it could be argued that I didn’t feel like waiting for the guy who had been causing trouble out in the parking lot, what with his people getting in and out of the car and blocking me from pulling in. So I walked ahead of him and ignored the visual daggers he was shooting at me.

I began to order when “EXCUSE ME DIDN’T YOU SEE ME IN LINE HERE?!” It was the rudest thing I’ve heard around town, ever. Most people here are exceptionally polite. This loudmouth must have been a tourist.

But I felt some guilt; maybe I had unfairly cut in line. There was no huge downside to taking the civil route here. I stepped aside, did my best to smile, and encouraged him to go ahead of me. But I admit I festered a bit, there in the second place in line, because I don’t like being yelled at.

And then a great thing happened… the guy’s wife came in from parking the car, and she cut in front of me to join him at the counter! Clearly, the gracious thing to do would be to allow it without a word. Of course he was holding a place for her. Friends and spouses join one other in longer lines than this in venues all over the world. I bit my lip, struggling not to shout at her, “Excuse me, didn’t you see me in line back here?!” My better nature (don’t laugh) won out; I said nothing. Maybe, in a quiet moment while he’s alone with his thoughts, this lout would see the irony.

The cook brought my food out first anyway.