DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

A friend with an iBook just upgraded to Jaguar. Afterwards, at her request, I made a change to the network preferences to fix her wireless connection. Then I powered the machine down, because that’s what she usually does.

She phoned me the next day, because the laptop would not boot up. She reported that she’d pressed the power button repeatedly without any response. That’s always disconcerting.

First I thought the thing might be asleep, so I walked her through some wake-up rituals. I figured this would not help, because I was the last person to touch the machine, and I’d shut it down. But I had to suggest something, and I couldn’t think of anything else. Besides, superstition is 90% of the hardware-repair game.

Needless to say, the iBook wasn’t sleeping, so we couldn’t wake it. But it wouldn’t turn on. The battery showed a full charge. And, the unit was plugged in.

I was beginning to worry. It’s hard to maintain one’s reputation as the neighborhood Mac expert after killing someone’s new iBook. I kept a confident tone in my voice — if superstition is 90% of the game, confidence is the other 10% — but the problem was that after having dealt with all varieties of weird hardware and software problems for most of my life, I’ve developed a sense for how serious a situation is, even if I’ve never seen the particular problem before. This one smelled wrong. I was afraid there would be a warranty claim in her immediate future.

Completely out of reasonable suggestions, I still had to say something, so I segued smoothly to an unreasonable suggestion. “Unplug the laptop,” I said, “remove the battery, and wait five minutes.” I could have added, and wave your arms in the air while dancing topless around the desk and making a sound like the horn on a 1947 Chrysler. Either process would be equally effective; I was making it up as I went along. “Then put in the battery and turn the machine on. Call me back if it doesn’t work.”

I knew the phone would ring in five minutes. But I didn’t expect to hear her say what she did: “It worked!” So, I don’t know, maybe I really am a computer expert. Anyway, the lesson here has nothing to do with being confident in the face of challenge, or having courage to proceed against difficult odds. The lesson, as far as I’m concerned, is never touch a friend’s computer.