DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

“People come up and ask me how good of a concierge I am,” Mc______ said. “I say, ‘How much money do you have?’”

Today’s Chronicle Magazine contains a great article on hotel concierges: Masters of their UniverseBig-city concierges are the “gatekeepers” of the tourist industry — they book tables at all the best restaurants, reserve seats at all the new shows, and broker tickets for everything worth seeing that charges admission.

In return, they eat for free, see all the new shows for free, and stockpile gift baskets and presents from every upscale storefront in town. The article claims these folks aren’t well-paid, but with all the graft, oops, I mean non-cash compensation, I believe they’re doing well.

The article describes a few of the archetypes of the profession — for example, the gracious Robert Spinrad, who would be offended if someone tried to tip him before he’d had a chance to be of assistance. And at the other end of the spectrum is Scott Mc______, who (as illustrated in the article anyway) seems to not even want to talk to people who haven’t paid $20 for the privilege.

Another fascinating Mc______ quote: “Legal, moral, and safe is a gray zone.” The implication is that Mc______ is arranging immoral, illegal, and unsafe entertainments for hotel guests. His employers at the Marriott can’t be too happy about that.

The article failed to pursue one compelling story, when it quoted a Public Relations executive who said, “[Concierges] are a very powerful group. Certain mediocre restaurants have stayed alive for years because of [them].”

So it’s not enough that hotels pay concierges to assist hotel guests, nor that guests tip concierges for advice… the concierge will still send the hapless traveler to whatever restaurant provides the biggest kickback. You just can’t trust anybody any more, not even if you’re paying for expertise. As Scott Mc______ claims, “I can take my big concierge money hose and direct it wherever I want.”