DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I dread vacuuming now, and it’s all Martha Stewart’s fault. I made the mistake af picking up one of her magazines when I was cooling down at the gym recently. One of the articles had some fear-mongering title like “Are your carpets really clean?”

(After seeing Bowling for Columbine I’ve become sensitive to the selling of fear in America. Do they teach this in magazine school? How many times have you read an article because it promised insider information about something else you should be afraid of?)

Anyway, I hadn’t seen the movie yet, and I was naturally afraid that maybe my carpets might not be really clean, given that I can barely manage to vacuum three times a year, so I had to read. I was rewarded with scary statistics that I don’t recall exactly but will provide the gist of here: after a single pass with a high-quality vacuum, something like 80% of the dirt remains in the carpet.

Here’s my corollary to Martha’s Law of Dirty Carpets: the more advertisements your vacuum manufacturer places in the weekend newspaper, the more dirt will be left in your carpet. I have no scientific evidence, of course; I’m just trying to mong a little fear of my own. I understand it’s good for circulation (not yours, but mine).

Martha had this recommendation for proper vacuuming: for high-traffic areas, make four passes in four different directions. That’s 16 passes total. Don’t blame me if you suck the color out of your carpeting.

At this point I think you should look at a close-up picture of a common household dust mite at 2000x magnification.