DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

I don’t wear a watch. I’m so rarely more than arm’s length from a computer that I just don’t have too much use for wearing a clock on my wrist.

I own a watch — a nice diving model purchased back in my scuba days. It’s been sitting in its case in my sock drawer for about ten years now, battery long since dead, waiting for the day the California coastal waters warm up to a point above 40°F — say, to be comfortable, to about 85°F — so I can bust out my fins and snorkel and diving watch and get wet again. Of course I hate to even imagine what sort of ecological disaster would bring a 45° rise in ocean temperature. I’m sure it would cause the coast to migrate inland about 1700 miles, making my scuba gear that much more valuable, as I’d be swimming to work.

Anyway. I’ve been spending a lot of time on the trails recently, and it occurred to me (just after my wife suggested it, natch) that a watch would be a useful thing to carry. I excavated my diving watch from the back of the drawer, along the way finding socks I’d thought (or hoped) had been lost for good, because I last wore them in the days when most of the value I brought to my job every day was by showing up wearing a suit.

Getting a new battery was as easy as waiting in line at the clock shop at the mall. “How much do you charge to replace a watch battery?” I asked.

“Ten dollar,” said the clerk. He then asked me to come back in a few minute.

So I browsed a display of inexpensive velcro-and-nylon “sports straps.” The only discernable difference was color. I took one from the rack and asked about its price. “Ten dollar,” said the clerk.

“What is this, ten dollar day?”

No answer, but a mean look. I think I’d disqualified myself from the population of customers who are always right. The relationship took an antagonistic turn. “That no good strap,” said the clerk, pointing to the one I’d picked out. “These strap much better.” He held up a strap that was identical to the one I’d selected, except for the color. “OK,” I said, eager to restore light and harmony, “how much is that strap?”

“Twenty dollar.”

“Twenty dollars?! It’s the same strap!”

“No, different strap. Much better company.” As if either strap came with a warranty. As if a half-inch nylon band wouldn’t outlive my watch, not to mention my wrist.

So I opted for the cheaper strap. I’m pleased with the decision. The strap looks great at the back of my sock drawer.