DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

The first step in preparing for a dinner party is to arrange the necessary documentation: gather all the printed information needed to prepare for the event. Given our intended menu (pizza) and the particular group of friends we’ve invited, the following source texts are appropriate:

• Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone (recipe: “Another Mushroom Pizza”)
• Artisan Baking (recipe: “Sullivan Street Potato Pizza”)
• Bon Appetit, September 1997 (recipe: “Manchu Spiced Garlic Chicken Pizzettas”)
• SF Chron food section, January 6, 1999 (pizza tips)
• DSM-IV, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

That last volume isn’t a cookbook, but I’m hoping the section on delusional behavior will explain why I think I’m going to be able to make five kinds of pizza, none of which I’ve ever tried before, using two dough recipes and a sauce recipe I’ve never tried, for six, without getting up from the table 300 times during the course of the meal.

I always tell myself that if I have all the pies topped before guests arrive, then I’ll actually be able to eat dinner with the group, but it somehow never works out that way. I’m invariably up to my elbows in flour when the doorbell rings.

But this time will be different, for I have a Plan…

[My delusions continue in part II.]