The Paranoid’s Pocket Guide is a small book with a big worry: Is your cutting board safe? No.
“Take a look at your hands,” admonishes the text, “They’re crawling with bacteria.” Some of those bacteria are listed, along with the symptoms of an infection of same: “Shingella (can cause cramps and bloody diarrhea).”
I don’t recommend you buy this book for yourself, because reading it might affect your ability to sleep, eat, cook, bathe, exercise, or read pocket books. Because you have to figure, this book is itself coated with dangerous bacteria. What if the packer at Amazon wiped his nose while putting your order together? You’ll be carrying alcohol swabs in no time.
Hair in the sink: it could be male pattern baldness, a fungal infection, or a surprisingly common stress-related disorder called alopecia universalis, which causes all the hair on your body, including eyelashes and eyebrows, to fall out.
The book is not entirely about germs and infectious diseases. No, there are a lot more things to be concerned about.
Department stores now release scents into the air that make a person feel good and want to buy.
Bathroom sinks cause over 45,000 injuries every year.
Men with extremely symmetrical features are less attentive to their partners and more inlined to cheat on them.
The best reason to buy this book is as a gift for someone else. Especially someone you don’t like very much. Or, it’s the perfect gift for a friend whose latent paranoias you’d like to reinforce for your own entertainment, which I think is how I ended up with a copy. Thanks a lot, Bim.
Patronize these links, man:
posted to area: Non-Fiction
updated: 2004-05-10 13:55:44
