DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Stuck in the car for 2.6 hours yesterday morning — truly the commute from hell — I happened to hear the Howard Stern show. I previously had no opinion on the Stern / ClearChannel controversy; this show changed my mind.

The guest was Alanis Morissette, who like Howard Stern is wholly unfamiliar to me. On this show she was funny and charming and honest and entertaining. Stern was as taken with her as I was.

Morissette intended to perform a song from her new record. The song, called Everything, opens like this:

i can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

The problem is the word “asshole.” Due to Stern’s situation, which I guess is a sort of probation, he has to be careful about his show’s content. Apparently, “asshole” is one of the words he can’t say. Stern, Morissette, and the rest of the crew began a discussion of whether she’d be able to perform her song.

They began suggesting alternative words: bunghole, a-hole, basshole, even “Bush-hole.” This is so dumb, it’s hard to believe. As Morrissette said, “I can say ‘ass,’ and I can say ‘hole,’ but I can’t say them together.”

Who exactly is being protected here? And from what?

In the end she decided to perform the song, substituting the word “assbowl.” It was disconcerting to hear her launch into this sensitive confessional of a song and then break the mood with the word “assbowl.” She actually broke out laughing so hard she had to stop the song and start again. “Don’t look at me!” she said to Stern — she couldn’t keep a straight face.