DEBRIS.COMgood for a laugh, or possibly an aneurysm

Sierra Club put the smackdown on Ford Motor Company this week, in ironic celebration of Ford’s 100th birthday.

The car that launched the modern auto industry 100 years ago, Henry Ford’s Model T, could drive 25 miles on a gallon of gas. The flagship of Ford Motor Company’s current 2003 model year, the 2003 Explorer, can manage only 16 miles. Is this progress?

Sierra Club asked the question in an ad placed in the New York Times last week. It’s a great piece of marketing. Click to download the ad as a PDF (145k).

I don’t wear a watch. I’m so rarely more than arm’s length from a computer that I just don’t have too much use for wearing a clock on my wrist.

I own a watch — a nice diving model purchased back in my scuba days. It’s been sitting in its case in my sock drawer for about ten years now, battery long since dead, waiting for the day the California coastal waters warm up to a point above 40°F — say, to be comfortable, to about 85°F — so I can bust out my fins and snorkel and diving watch and get wet again. Of course I hate to even imagine what sort of ecological disaster would bring a 45° rise in ocean temperature. I’m sure it would cause the coast to migrate inland about 1700 miles, making my scuba gear that much more valuable, as I’d be swimming to work.

Anyway. I’ve been spending a lot of time on the trails recently, and it occurred to me (just after my wife suggested it, natch) that a watch would be a useful thing to carry. I excavated my diving watch from the back of the drawer, along the way finding socks I’d thought (or hoped) had been lost for good, because I last wore them in the days when most of the value I brought to my job every day was by showing up wearing a suit.

Getting a new battery was as easy as waiting in line at the clock shop at the mall. “How much do you charge to replace a watch battery?” I asked.

“Ten dollar,” said the clerk. He then asked me to come back in a few minute.

So I browsed a display of inexpensive velcro-and-nylon “sports straps.” The only discernable difference was color. I took one from the rack and asked about its price. “Ten dollar,” said the clerk.

“What is this, ten dollar day?”

No answer, but a mean look. I think I’d disqualified myself from the population of customers who are always right. The relationship took an antagonistic turn. “That no good strap,” said the clerk, pointing to the one I’d picked out. “These strap much better.” He held up a strap that was identical to the one I’d selected, except for the color. “OK,” I said, eager to restore light and harmony, “how much is that strap?”

“Twenty dollar.”

“Twenty dollars?! It’s the same strap!”

“No, different strap. Much better company.” As if either strap came with a warranty. As if a half-inch nylon band wouldn’t outlive my watch, not to mention my wrist.

So I opted for the cheaper strap. I’m pleased with the decision. The strap looks great at the back of my sock drawer.

Updates will be sporadic over the coming weeks.

I’ve found myself decreasingly able to provide fresh content for this space. I need a change of mental scenery. The idea that with each passing day, dozens of people visit this page only to see the same thing they read last week, creates simultaneously a desire to write more and an inability to do so well. There have been days when I’ve been inspired by lint… and other days when entire life philosophies come crashing down around me and all I can manage to write about is what my urine smells like.

Not that there’s anything wrong with essays about my urine, of course.

So I have a couple of longer pieces in the works, and a list of topics that await lint-esque inspiration. Anything could happen. It probably just won’t happen every day.

(Source: Harold McGee’s seminal work on food science, On Food And Cooking)

An odd side effect of asparagus has been known for centuries. As the learned Frenchman Dr. Louis Lemery put it in his Treatise of All Sorts of Foods (1702, in a contemporary English translation), “Sparagrass eaten to Excess sharpen the Humours and heat a little, and therefore Persons of a bilious Constitution ought to use them moderately: They cause a filthy and disagreeable Smell in the Urine, as every Body knows.” From 1956 until 1980, it was thought that the excretion of odorous methyl mercaptan after eating asparagus was a dominant genetic trait; if you had the particular gene, you were a “stinker.” But a recent study found that all asparagus eaters excrete methyl mercaptan; it is the ability to detect its odor that varies from person to person.

The Asparagus F.A.Q. describes the characteristic odor as smelling “funny,” which leads me to believe its author is not as skilled in the detection of methyl mercaptan as I am. (Around here, asparagus nights are accompanied by the sound of the bathroom fan.) Regardless, I’m amused that they address the issue at all — I’d bet not many official vegetable websites contain references to urine.

The Blue Man Group recently released their second CD, entitled The Complex. Following are four of the many highlights on the disc. Song titles link to mid-fi MP3 excerpts.

“Sing Along” features Dave Matthews on vocals. The lyric is deceptively simple, yet it makes me think; the Blue Man Group has a knack for packing lots of ideas into few words. Matthews’ performance is a perfect complement to both the lyric and the music. His vocal control allows him to inject the maximum amount of soul into a minimal vocal track.

The MP3 excerpt contains a line of scat singing, which is an inspired accompaniement to a band that’s essentially a percussion ensemble and a song that has few lyrics. That is, rather than sing more words when none are necessary, Matthews uses his voice as an instrument, providing the sound of a vocal without the baggage of text.

In the second half of the excerpt, Matthews takes the concept of instrumental singing a step further as he sings an ascending scale to introduce a harmony vocal part. The brilliant thing is the timing. He’s singing three-over-four (twice), so that the notes come on the e of 1, 2, a of 2, + of 3, e of 4, or in other words, every third 16th note. He starts the pattern one-sixteenth after the downbeat, so it resolves on the downbeat (15 16ths later) when the harmony vocal comes in. This is art!

“Shadows Pt. 2” features Tracy Bonham on vocals. Conceptually, this piece is similar to “Sing Along”; Bonham’s voice takes the part of a string section as she sings a high melody (with no words) above the groove. The second half of the excerpt showcases a surprisingly musical exchange between Rob Swift’s scratching and the Blue Men’s airpoles. I admit I’m a sucker for call-and-response, but even with that bias I think this passage is a lot of fun. I’ll also admit that I didn’t realize I was hearing two musicians playing off of each other until I saw the video (included on the CD), because the two instruments sound similar. It’s all white noise, created by black and Blue men, and it’s exceptionally cool.

“Persona” is a straight-ahead rock tune, with Josh Haden on vocals. The lyrics are simple and haunting, as is characteristic of the album. The tone of Haden’s voice matches the dark mood of the song; the result sticks in memory. It’s a Monday sort of song.

“White Rabbit” is of course a remake of the Jefferson Airplane classic. I believe the Blue Man Group stage show includes a few moments of this song. Hearing this full-band orchestration was shocking, though, because the build into that opening verse is one of the greatest musical passages on the record. This is a song you’ll play loud and repeatedly, assuming you have ears and a pulse.

There is a comedic aspect to a Blue Man performance, and although this is a serious album, in fact a somewhat dark and introspective album, there are moments of light which I won’t overexpose here except to mention that one of the videos on the enhanced CD made me laugh out loud.

All in all this is a rewarding, enjoyable CD. It’s different from their first release (Audio), although if you liked that one you’ll probably like this one too (even if the reverse is not necessarily the case).

See the Amazon link below for additional song samples.

Patronize these links, man:

• Amazon